


"Love Me"

by pockapocky



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, Oblivious, One-Sided Attraction, Other, Shyness, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Unrequited Love, Vanilla, help me, i dont't know what else to tag, i just love this game so much i couldnt help myself, or was it?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:54:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23463538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pockapocky/pseuds/pockapocky
Summary: Sebastian didn't think much about you. You were just a new farmer in town! You weren't anything special. He wanted to avoid you, he wanted to just lock himself in his basement and avoid any kind of interaction with you.But he gradually warmed up to you, and you seemed glad that he was. Since you both became friends, he liked being around you.After a year passed since you came to Pelican Town, though, he started to feel something strange whenever he saw you. Did you feel the same? Or was he just delusional?
Relationships: Abigail & Sam & Sebastian (Stardew Valley), Alex/Player (Stardew Valley), Sebastian (Stardew Valley)/Reader, Sebastian/Female Player (Stardew Valley), Sebastian/Male Player (Stardew Valley), Sebastian/Player (Stardew Valley), Shane/Player (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 80





	1. Itch

**Author's Note:**

> "What if I told you that I love you? Would you tell me you love me back?"

Sebastian was never the type for anything romantic. He never had time to associate himself to anyone special, or anyone from the outside world, to be specific. He was just a freelance programmer, saving himself some money so he could fulfill his dream of moving into the city. He knew that. He knew himself more than anyone else, but how come he can’t figure out what this simple itch he felt inside him?

It’s been a year since you moved to Stardew Valley and inherited your grandfather’s farm. And it’s been a year since you two have been friends. When you two first met, Sebastian was reserved and didn’t want anything to have anything to do with you at all, but that suddenly changed.

This ‘itch’ he felt, it always came up whenever you were around. No— it wasn’t _just_ when you were around. It crept up to him even when you _weren’t_ around too. He can’t stop thinking about you, and he often gets frustrated that he just can’t have a proper conversation with you. He used to be so relaxed around you. What happened to him? Did you change him somehow?

Sebastian didn’t know why he was feeling that way. Was it how you smiled? How you laughed? Or was it the soft tone of your voice and expression whenever you talked? He had no idea. He was clueless, and he hated not knowing what was going on with him. He sighed, scratching his head.

  
He was hanging out with his usual friend group at the saloon one winter afternoon, when Sam, his best friend, noticed his aggravated demeanor. He was concerned and wanted to know what was up with him. He handed Sebastian his usual drink and sat down beside him, taking a sip off his own beverage. **“Yo, Seb. What’s up? That was a big sigh, even for someone like you.”** He asked.

Sebastian glanced at Sam and just shook his head. His smile looking forced. **“It’s nothing. Just frustrated at a game I’ve been playing all morning before coming here.”** He lied. It was too embarrassing to tell him, anyways.

** “Uh-huh. Right. That’s a lie.”  ** Sam said. Sebastian exhaled. There was no way to hide it from him, after all. They’ve been friends since he could remember, and he’s seen Sebastian at his worst. Lying wasn’t going to get him through this. Defeatedly, Sebastian explained to Sam what he was going through, remaining his stare at Abigail who was arranging the balls at the pool table. 

As Sam listened, a smile crept up his face. More of a grin. By the time Sebastian finished talking, Sam was already snickering like there was no tomorrow. He burst out laughing, poking fun at Sebastian for his ridiculous situation. Sebastian only scoffed and rolled his eyes. He knew it was embarrassing and he still told him. 

** “Dude, are you serious? You’ve gotta be joking here.”  ** He finally spoke through his laughter. **“This is like, the number one thing you should know, man! Tons of people experience it all the time!”** Sebastian’s brows furrowed and shook his head, earning a facepalm from Sam. ****

Sebastian, who was already dying of embarrassment from Sam’s jokes, fumed at him angrily. **“Well I don’t! This is all weird to me, so it would be great if you would enlighten me about it!”** He groaned. Sam chuckled and poked his chest where his heart was. 

** “Seb. You _love_ them, dude! It’s _love!”_ **

Sebastian blinked. It was _what?_

‘Love’? These weird impulses he’s been having towards you, was _that?_ There was no way, no way! You two were just friends, and nothing else, right? 

Sebastian was at a loss for words. He couldn’t believe it. Him? Loving _you?_ Was he even cut out for loving someone as spectacular as you? You were out of his league, yet he still loved you? 

He stumbled and stammered with his speech. **“I- _Them!?_ Me, loving— There’s… There’s no w-… I-I’m…” **His cheeks felt hot. His heart pounded so loudly. These humorous mumbles made Sam laugh once again. Sebastian’s reaction made him crack up. 

It was funny to _him,_ but not to Sebastian. Sam didn’t understand what he was feeling. The thought of Sebastian loving someone like you was so extraordinary, even to himself. He covered his face with his left hand and used his other to punch Sam’s shoulder. Making fun of him because of this didn’t make him too happy at all.

But… was that really true? He never actually thought of it that way. But there was another question he needed to know the answer to after hearing that.

Did you feel the same way?

Or was this another one-sided thing he needed to get over? 


	2. Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out about what the itch he felt was called, Sebastian wanted to know if you felt the same way, but because he had no idea how to do it, he had to get to the bottom of it using his own methods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You're too busy talking over me to hear what I'm saying."

Despite the fact that the idea of loving you was too alien for Sebastian, the question still stands inside his mind. Did you actually feel the same way? He had to know, because this feeling will never go away unless he gets to the source. 

He couldn't just let this feeling be. He didn't think it would die down at all. In fact, it just got worse and worse each day. Was it bad? Probably, but it just felt so great whenever he was around you, he couldn't get enough.

If this was how Sebastian felt whenever you were around him, he wondered what would've it been like if he had you to hold each day. He'd be driven crazy. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. All he knew was that you made him feel good inside, and happier than he usually was. 

He started off subtle, careful not to give you any ideas that he was watching-- er- _observing_ you. He would leave his house earlier than usual and secretly take a peek at your farm. He observed your movements and how your expression looked so indifferent even though you excrete so much effort and passion to your hard work. He admired your dedication to your farm and loved every single thing you did in it. 

He would sometimes find your usual fishing spot on the beach and pretend to have a smoke there, just to get to watch your precise movements and body language. 

When he realized this wasn't going anywhere, Sebastian tried to go to the front-lines and be more straightforward. That's what his friend Sam said. But how in the hell was he going to be straightforward with his feelings? Did he even have the capability to bestraightforward towards _you?_ What was he going to say, " _Oh, I kind of love you, do you love me too?"_

Nope. No way.

Sebastian didn't know what to do at this point. He was desperate to get an answer to his question, but he wasn't making that much progress at all. He was scared he would never actually get an answer from you until it was too late. This was all stressing him out. He didn't want to have to deal with this, but the itch was just too unbearable, he can't say no. 

Groaning, he left his room-- or rather, basement to smoke his frustrations away. Robin, his mom, noticed him and asked where he was going, but he only blew her off with an insult. He didn't want someone to stop him now. He spat, unintentionally swearing vulgar words at her that he blurted out because of his anger. He said that it was none of her business and she didn't actually care about him. He slammed the door on his way out and stomped off to the town square.

On his way, only the sound of scrunching snow from his dark boots and a few jovial chatters and chuckles as he approached the center of the town. He wondered why they were all gathered in one place, but it was probably none of his business, so he just ignored their dumb gathering and just passed by without greeting anyone. 

As he passed by, Sam noticed him and called out his name. Sebastian didn't bother looking.

All he wanted to do was just smoke it out. Nothing else. He didn't want to burn himself out more by hanging out with a bunch of people he didn't know. He only waved as he continued walking. **"I gotta smoke!"** He said to Sam. Sam only nodded and went on.

_See? Nobody cares enough._

Sebastian only sighed and rubbed his hands together. His breath escaping from his mouth and moistening in the cold air. He arrived at the beach again, expecting he would be alone. He was back here, yet again. And it was the perfect timing.

The weather was slightly cloudy, but the clouds remained their white foam appearance. The white sand looked soft and bright. Unlike most days where they were damp and dank because of the high tide. Seagulls were screeching and the familiar 'wooshes' of the deep water could be heard. Little beads of snow and snowflakes were also falling from the sky.

He stepped into the wooden pier and walked to the edge of the dock. He sat down on the edge, his feet hanging from the walkway. Pulling out his pack of cigarettes, he flicked his lighter and lit his new tube. He inhaled all of the intoxicating gas in his system. He already felt more calmer. 

Sebastian always loved the sound of the ocean's waves crashing against the shore and the wind that came with it. The light smell of saltwater, and also the aromatic seaweed, _everything._

Everything about the beach in a cold winter day was so serene to him.

He loved days like these. It was like the perfect timing to just get lost in a train of thought. No one seemed to come to the beach often, too, maybe apart from Alex, Elliot, and Willy, so it was like a haven where no one can bother him. No one to stress him out, no one to judge him. It was just him and the world.

Well-- maybe including you, too. 

**"It's nice seeing you here, Sebastian. It's really surprising you get to be here more often!"** You greeted him gleefully from behind him suddenly, making him jump. Sebastian inhaled a bit too much from his cigarette, making him cough and choke from the abundant intake of gases. His eyes teared up slightly. Surely he didn't notice you when he arrived and got to the beach.

His continuous coughing made you concerned and worry. You stood up from your fishing spot and tried to pat his back to make him cough a bit easier. 

Oh, _God,_ you were touching him. Your hand felt so warm, even in this cold season. His heart was racing so hastily just from your touch, he couldn't get himself to stop coughing. **"Blech-! Bleah! Hunh...!"** He wheezed. You were getting really worried. He just wouldn't stop coughing and wheezing, you had no idea what happened.

You rubbed his back while crouched down. Apologizing sternly at him. **"Hey, haha! I guess I caught you off guard there, maybe I should've spoke to you more softly. My bad, my bad. I'm sorry. Are you okay?"** You said, leaning your head to the side so you could see his red, teary face better. 

At this point, you were getting too close for Sebastian to handle. His heart seriously couldn't stop pounding, but he tried to force himself to stop coughing so you wouldn't worry anymore. He needed you to back away a little bit more, fearing he might have a heart attack just by you being around. That certainly wasn't the best way he wanted to go. 

You just-- You were just _there,_ and he could just _hold_ you. Your soft, gentle, caring, _you._

Your... _adorable you._ was making him blush in the highest of heights, he couldn't control himself. 

When Sebastian finally got to calm down his continuous barking, he nodded slowly, releasing a few wheezes as he tried to speak. **"Ye...! Yeah- I think I'm- Tchah- Yeah, I'm o...! Okay..."** He said, wheezing. You sighed, relieved, backing away from him as soon as you received the reassurance. 

Finally.

He can finally _breathe._

Sebastian exhaled, wiping his tears from his eyes. He pounded his chest. **"I-I didn't see you here when I got here... did you come earlier...?"** He asked you slyly, still trying to clear his throat. You hummed as you walked back to your spot to grab your backpack full of bait and your pole. **"Well, yeah! I've been here since... maybe 9? Not sure."** You answer, walking back to him with your things at hand.

Oh, you were approaching him. 

Wait. You were approaching him? _Again?_

Oh. Oh, you were-- You were going to sit beside him. Oh, okay- He could probably handle that. _Probably._

Sebastian scooted over to the side, giving you room to sit down beside him. (Of course, enough room for him to preserve his personal space!) You placed your backpack between you and him and sat down on the edge, drawing your fishing pole for another catch. It was quiet between you two. You were just waiting in silence for a fish to catch onto your bait while Sebastian smoked another cigarette after he spat out his previous one from surprise. 

The silence wasn't awkward, though. It was a comfortable one, and you two both felt at ease with each other's presence. You were glad you became friends with Sebastian, and to you, it seemed like he was also glad too. 

Sebastian was itching to ask you his question. He was comfortable enough. Here, with you, quiet and peaceful with each other's company. But he just had the urge to ask you the question. He was dying to know, but he always couldn't find an opportunity to ask you. He was either too flustered or shy to ask, or other civilians just kept interrupting him whenever he finally had the courage to ask. 

He took a deep breath. Sam suggested he should be straightforward? Then Sebastian _will_ be straightforward then. 

Preparing himself, he took his cigarette from his mouth and held it with his fingers. Turning his face to you, he let his voice speak for itself. **"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while now."** He began. You diverted your attention from the pole to Sebastian, and hummed, allowing him to continue. He fixed his posture and gulped, forcing the words out his mouth. **"Do you...? Do you... uh."**

Sebastian scratched the nape of his neck, fidgeting with his cigarette with his other hand. **"Are you interested in someone special here in the town?"** _Because I really like you._ He left that part out for a reason. You blinked at him, surprised by his question. Okay. Now he really done goofed. 

You were certainly caught off guard, since you were blushing like crazy. Your eyes were wide-open. How come? Did you have an answer?

You suddenly burst out a laugh. Sebastian wasn't sure if it was forced or not. **"Haha, what? Am I interested in someone special here in the town?"** You said, reeling in your pole to focus your attention on answering Sebastian's odd question.

**"Well..."**

Sebastian's heart pounded restlessly, but he still forced himself to keep his calm demeanor. Your lips parted. Here it is--

You'll finally answer his question, you-

**"Yes. Yes, I do."**

Sebastian was relieved as he nodded, but then you said something he was disappointed to hear.

**"But I'm not telling who."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe i should've made this a one-shot, buT ITS TOO LATE NOW KASNKNED  
> the lyric at the beginning is from blackbear's song Unrequited Love huehue


	3. All Puppy Love After All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your answer wasn't enough for him. It wasn't. Sebastian needed to know more. He so desperately wanted to know more. He wanted a proper, honest answer. He wanted you to tell him what he needed to hear... but when you did somehow, strangely, his world crashed around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I fell for you. Foolish move, that I fell for you."

Distressed, frustrated, and confused. That was all Sebastian felt since the day you told him you liked someone in town.

Sebastian couldn't take it anymore. At this point, he was getting desperate. You never answered him properly, and he was nearly going to blow up. You said you liked someone in town, but who? It could be anyone!

He wanted to know who you liked, but then he realized that it must be too disrespectful to know. If you found out that he wanted to be nosy with your tastes and relationships, it would ruin what you both had.

The friendship you two shared became too important to him, he couldn't risk ruining anything. He ended up cutting off the question that afternoon, and continued to enjoy the silence and your company.

But seriously, would you just stop being so secretive around him? You two were friends, weren't you? 

Sebastian sighed as he chewed on his sashimi, feeling more anguished than ever. He was invited to dinner as well as Abigail by Sam's mom, Jodi. They were all having a dinner together as friends on a quiet winter evening.

Sebastian looked... miserable. And the people around him noticed that. 

He was always miserable, especially because of his issues with his family, but the way he appeared wasn't like usual. By the look on Sebastian's face, Sam and Abigail knew. You didn't give him the answer he wanted. And that was pretty understandable.

You weren't exactly the type to reveal all your secrets to town. You were a mysterious, yet friendly farmer, and the townspeople were satisfied enough with that. As long as you weren't causing any trouble, that was good enough for them. Well-- except for Sebastian, of course.

Sam nudged Sebastian's shoulder to tear his attention from his plate of seafood. **"So... any luck with the... uh, farmer?"** He asked him, in an attempt to maybe clear his mind from... well, _you._ Sebastian swallowed his food before speaking. **"Well, it's... I-I'm... not sure."** He replied, taking another bite from his plate. He looked really upset. 

**"I did ask them, it was- I actually had the _guts_ to do it, for once, and- I thought I was finally going to get what I wanted to know, but..." **Sebastian groaned and held his head on his palms, scratching his hairline a little. **"Maybe I should've been more... straightforward? Maybe my question was just too vague...?"** He scratched his head even more. Sam sighed and sank back on his chair.

 **"Man... this is taking too _long_ , Seb. And what's worse, we can't even help you! That farmer is too good with keeping secrets, they won't even drop a single hint, no matter what happens!" **Sam complained. He looked frustrated, too, which made Sebastian chuckle slightly.

He was glad his best friend didn't actually brush his issue off like some minor thing, unlike his family. His mom, his stepsister, his step-father, none of them would understand what he felt. Heck, if he ever even complained about some issue he had to one of them, they would either be too busy about their own 'work', or would just flat-out shut him down like the problem was nothing. And he hated that. That's why he long since gave up on trying to open up to his 'family'.

Sam suddenly snapped his fingers. **"I got an idea."** He exclaimed. Sebastian cringed, already knowing this idea of his would be dumb. He clicked his tongue as he took yet another chomp off his sashimi. **"Oh, _God._ Don't-" **

**"What if you just straight up ask them on a date? You know... so you can directly, and _firmly_ ask them and confront them about it?" **

Sebastian blinked. Surprise plastered across his eyes. Date? Sam was joking, wasn’t he? He knew Sebastian couldn’t… yet he still…

**"No."** Sebastian bluntly said, not even looking at Sam as he answered.

That was the stupidest idea he ever heard! There was no way that he, _himself_ could ask you out on a date. He was a mess whenever he was with you. It was utterly impossible to ask, let alone _take_ you. It wouldn’t be idoneous for someone like him in the first place. He couldn’t be cool, he couldn’t be slick, he's not like anyone here in Pelican Town! He was awkward and reserved, antisocial and quiet. If he ever _did_ appear cool or nonchalant, it would be rare. He just _couldn't_ do it _._ And he knew that for a fact. But Sam… Sam thought otherwise.

Sam whined, feeling bitter because of his friend's stubborn behavior. **"Come _on,_ man! This is your chance! Plus, maybe if you were _more_ direct about the matter, maybe they'll actually be more open, too!" **He said. Sebastian only sighed and rolled his eyes. 

He just wasn’t sure. He was frightened of the thought. Him, asking you on a date? It sounded so impossible. What does he even do if you reject him? Be even _more_ miserable than he already was? 

Sam sighed and patted Sebastian's shoulder. When Sebastian finally looked up, Sam smiled, his eyes expressing the literal embodiment of encouragement. **"Dude, you can do this."** He said. **"I haven't seen you so determined in like... forever! This farmer might actually do you some good if you actually try hard enough!"**

 **"Really...?"** Sebastian hopefully asked, a smile slowly forming on his face. Sam nodded. **"Yeah, man! Don't worry."** He says, putting an arm around Sebastian and giving him an aggressive noogie. Sebastian groaned and laughed, the little encouragement lifting his spirits up slightly.

After hearing that, it actually made Sebastian consider it, despite it being utterly impossible in his perspective. But will he do it? Yes. Yes, he will. Would he be able to muster up the courage to ask you directly, though? Probably not. But he’ll try. Because if he doesn’t, this feeling would probably never go away.

Sam and Sebastian were both laughing and chuckling, their loony noises filling the whole dining room. They were both so caught up with joking around that they didn’t hear Abigail mumble something completely impetuous.

**“You should just give up.”  
  
**

* * *

  
Sebastian couldn't pick another perfect day to muster out the courage to ask you than his birthday. The 10th of winter. It took him a while. It took him _days_ of isolation and immense thinking, carefully preparing his heart and mind to ask you a _single_ question. He didn't even realize that by the time he was ready, it was the day of his birthday. 

This... This was it. He was finally going to ask you. He was ready. This was it...! 

With a deep breath and his heart crashing against his chest, Sebastian grabbed his jacket and the bouquet of flowers from his desk and took off, ignoring all of the meaningless calls coming from his home.

This was a completely different day for his birthday. It was the first time he _impulsively_ woke up early-- all on his own. He surprised even himself. Usually he would wake up late afternoon daily because of his unstable sleep schedule, but today was different. And to think that it was you who make him feel this way... it makes him feel both content and uneasy. 

Sebastian looked at his wristwatch underneath his sleeve. It was 6:30 in the morning. If he was correct, you should have been awake at this hour, so it was the perfect timing for him to pay a visit. (Don't ask why he knows that!) Snow was scrunching underneath his dark boots. Like he expected, no one was out of their homes at this hour aside from you. Perfect.

Sebastian was careful with the bouquet. He wanted to hide it underneath his jacket, but it was too big, so he gave up trying. He kept it casual, walking around with the bouquet with his usual calm expression. He got to your farm quickly and knocked on your door. He waited.

And waited.

And... waited. 

And... you weren't there. Great. It was already failing miserably.

It was strange how you weren't home. Usually you were harvesting your farm crops on a Wednesday like this, but when Sebastian checked, your crops were all intact. Nothing has been harvested at all, and that was... weird. Even for him. Did something cause you to suddenly go somewhere else? 

Well, yeah, of course you did. Like-- you were a _farmer._ You _had_ to have stopped by somewhere else. Maybe you went to the mines earlier in the morning than usual or maybe you went to Joja Mart to buy maybe... something you need for cooking-- He doesn't know.

But-- no! This was _definitely_ strange. Sebastian saw how all of your plants were not watered, and he knew how critical you were with them every time. There wasn't a _single._ _d_ _ay,_ where you missed watering your crops.

What could've possibly been more important than watering your crops that you take care of so carefully?

Where could you have possibly gone to where you forgot to even water your _own_ farm?

Maybe at the pier? No- there weren't any help wanted requests at Pierre's that was posted. He knew you only went there if someone requested a fish that was a 'hard catch', you said. How about the clinic? No, it was closed at this hour. The mines? Probably, but he would've seen you on the way. The mines were close by his own home, and he, _for sure,_ would've seen you when he left. Yet he didn't. 

Could you be at Pierre's? No... Pierre's closed on Wednesdays-- or...

Wait a second. If Sebastian could recall... they had some mail a few seasons ago, and he could remember that it came from Pierre...

_"Pierre's Store is now open all week!"_

Sebastian groaned. This was starting to become a disaster. Maybe you _were_ at Pierre's. But... Pierre isn't open until 9 am... Oh, screw it. He was going to check anyways. Besides, he was close enough with Abigail to enter there without notice. 

When he arrived, he was surprised to see that the sign said 'open'. That was new. Pierre? Opening earlier than he usually does? Wow, he had to admit, Sebastian thinks that Pierre is getting a little _too_ desperate for his business. He could understand why, but Joja had no match for the town, no matter how much they flexed their weirdly low prices. 

Sebastian reached for the knob and went inside. It was warm, and the hot air tickled his nose. He quickly closed the door, desperate not to let all of the heat out.

He was right. You _were_ there. He gulped, his heart thumping loudly once again. Was he getting cold feet? He couldn't back out now. The bouquet in his hand proved that.

As he walked towards you with a smile on his face, he was strangely excited. He has never done this before, how come that he seems so confident? But-- no time to think about that now. It was time to ask you face-to-face. He reached for your shoulder but then---

He saw what you wanted to buy and... his heart dropped. 

You were buying a bouquet. The same bouquet that he had on his hand. You were smiling. Grinning, almost. With a blush tinted on your cheeks. You-- you were-- you looked... _in love._

Sebastian backed away. No. No, this was-- It couldn't be. 

No. It was real. There's no other scenario to explain. 

But-- why? Why now? Just as he was about to... Wait... no--

He knew you liked someone. He knew. He shouldn't be feeling this way. He should've expected this. You were going to ask that person you liked out to a date. You were going to _date_ them. He felt... so hollow, staring at the bouquet secured in your arms. Pierre didn't seem to notice him yet, but he asked something Sebastian wanted to know the answer to, too.

 **"Ah, so you're _finally_ going to date someone, huh? It's almost been a year! This is the first time I've seen you so lovestruck before, can I ask who you're giving it to?" **Pierre asked, a teasing smirk on his face. Sebastian waited for your answer as he hid the bouquet behind him. You giggled, hugging the bouquet closely. You looked so happy. You looked shy. You looked _vulnerable_ and Sebastian didn't like-- _hated_ the fact that you were like that for someone else. But... he was finally getting an answer. 

Who was it?

_Who was it?_

You laughed slyly, taking a moment to answer Pierre's sudden question. **"It's-- It's, haha... It's a little too embarrassing to say his name out loud... Um..."** You were stuttering and your face was flushed with red. What the hell was this? Sebastian couldn't stand this. Was that someone you really liked really that amazing enough to make you speak like that? Your voice-- it was so soft... it drove him crazy... And-- you mentioned a pronoun. It was a guy? Who...?

You cleared your throat. Sebastian braced himself. Was it who he think it is? Was it--

 **"I'm not saying his name... But, uh... Haha...! He's... the sweetest guy ever. He's a little quiet and... a bit shy, but once you get to know him he's... so kind and so great."** Who was it? Who the hell was it? Come on...! Tell him, tell him so he won't have to wait!

 **"I guess... you could say he has experience with... a few things. He has skills that I know is useful to my farm, and... gah...! I don't know. He's just really sweet and I'm always around him all the time. I like him... alot."** You said, having trouble coming up with words to describe your specific other.

Sebastian felt... like he was falling in a void. His heart has long since stopped beating hastily. Everything felt dark and clouded. It seemed like he was crying, but... he couldn't feel the tears. He couldn't feel anything. His heartbeat, his surroundings, nothing. Nothing was as vibrant whenever he was around you anymore. 

He took a step back. His chest finally feeling like its been pierced by a thousand needles. He needed to go. He couldn't... he couldn't stand being around you anymore. His breathing sounded labored, but he was dead silent. He didn't notice Abigail leaving the back room and catching sight of him. She looked at you, then at him. She was shocked. Her eyes widened, and her brows raised. She was so surprised and... upset, that she couldn't avoid covering her mouth with her palm. 

Pierre nodded as he thanked you for buying the bouquet. Only now did he notice Sebastian and Abigail frozen in their place. Pierre waved at Sebastian with a smile. **"Hey! Welcome, we opened a bit earlier than usual. What do you need Sebastia-"** He was cut off. Sebastian couldn't. If you saw him with the bouquet, it would be the end of him. He shook his head and stormed out, slamming the door behind him before you could even turn around. 

Sebastian ran. He ran and ran wherever his legs took him. His tears wouldn't stop falling. He couldn't control his gasps and wheezes. He couldn't breathe through his tears. Oh, what did he even expect? Of course, it wasn't him that you liked. He knew you liked someone else and yet he still kept up hope. He needed to accept this, or else he would never get over you. He knew he had to accept this. But why does he still feel sick?

His chest was being crushed. His brain felt numb. His stomach twisted and churned. He was feeling all of the things he didn't expect he would feel. He felt in pain. He felt exhausted. He felt so empty. Why was he feeling this way? Just... why? Has this feeling he felt already grew enough where you became the literal pillar of his life? And now that he knows that you're gone, everything just feels miserable? He didn't know. He didn't _want_ to know.

He lost you, but did he _really_ lose you even though you were never his? 

He ended up at the pier again. He was breathing heavily. His chest heaved every breath he took. The tears were cold against his cheek in the winter air. He gasped and sighed. Every little movement in his body was labored. He walked to the edge of the sturdy wooden deck and glanced down at the bouquet in his hand. He stared down at it, feeling all of the emotions he felt before. Distressed, frustrated, and confused. He didn't feel any warmth thinking about you anymore. All he felt was cold. 

He grit his teeth and balled up his fists, his hands trembling as they crushed the bouquet's stem. Just looking at it, Sebastian felt hurt. He inhaled, and groaned. With a grunt, he threw the bouquet to the ocean angrily, in an attempt to feel the slightest hint of content, but he felt nothing. The flowers sank to the bottom of the ocean slowly, the waves driving it away as it sank. Sebastian was shaking. He couldn't control himself any longer. 

He screamed as he sobbed. The pain in his chest coming back time and time again. This wasn't like him. Crying like a baby. It would've been better if he just internalized it, just like what he usually does. But the feelings were too strong, it couldn't fit in his enclosed jar. It all spilled out, and all of his emotions and repressed pain came exploding everywhere. 

He didn't know that love could do this. And because you were his first love, he didn't know what to do to get better from the bruise you gave him. 

Sebastian sobbed as he fell to his knees and sat down on the wooden deck. His breathing finally cooling down after crying. There were still tears, but not too much anymore. He looked around his surroundings. Everything was so quiet, apart from the waves crashing on the sandy shore. It was weird, how a peaceful environment could calm him down so easily. 

He sighed and sniffed. Finally calming down his nerves and tears, he tried to feel his jacket's pockets. **"T-Tch..."** He forgot his cigarette pack back at home. He thought it couldn't get worse, now he was hit with this. He had no other choice but to enjoy the scenery quietly. 

The solemnity of the environment finally calmed him down. But it didn't stop his heart from feeling numb. It was good enough, though. Sebastian was satisfied enough. Thinking about you, it's not helping him at all. He just wanted to stay calm and just... think. 

He definitely couldn't face you anymore after this. He couldn't. He felt defeated. Maybe... it was better if he stopped seeing you. Yeah, that's right. It was enough. He's had enough. If he still saw you and hung out with you, he would kill himself.

Accepting things was never easy for Sebastian. But for the fact that it was all puppy love after all, he was willing to make an exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was sO BAD???? I AM SO SORRY IF IT IS SUCH A MESS BUT GUYS,,,  
> writers block hates me so much and i ended up writing this trash,,,,, i'll try to redeem myself in the next chapter if i can quq  
> next chapter will be shifted to your pov btw!!! so if you're still expecting Sebastian's pov next chap, please keep this in mind aAAAA;;;;; it's time to switch it to your perspective, so,, -u-  
> also my baby sEBASTIAN IS HURT MY BABEY JSDKNC;;;;; I'LL REDEEM MYSELF FOR THAT TOO IN A FEW CHAPTERS!! ASJASKSM;;;  
> song is Can't Lie by Ali Gatie uwu


	4. To Avoid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something was definitely wrong with Sebastian, so you wanted to know what was the matter with him. You searched for him left and right. When you did find him, it seemed like he was avoiding you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hold on, I still want you..."

**"Hey! Welcome, we opened a bit earlier than usual. What do you need Seba-?"**

_SLAM!_

You jumped, the loud crescendo ringing in your ears. You were startled by the shrilling slam of the door that you nearly dropped your whole bouquet of flowers! What even _was_ that!? The nerve of that person. It was too early for a scene like that. You looked back at the door, its bell still moving back and forth because of the door's aggressive closing. 

You were slightly frustrated, but you brushed it off quickly before you quickly looked back at Pierre, who was also puzzled behind the counter. **"Who was...?"** You asked. Pierre paused. Then sighed.

 **"It was Robin's son, Sebastian. What is** _ **wrong**_ **with that boy? It always seems as though he has all the problems in the world!"** He commented. _Well, you didn't have to phrase it like that._ You thought to yourself.

You wished that you would just brush that door slam off your shoulder. You've been friends with Sebastian for so long already. _Surely_ you already would've been used to that kind of behavior of his. After all, Sebastian has already opened up to you about almost everything he was going through. You understood him. You understood why he would act so cold and sharp around everything. 

But... something about that door batting just felt and sounded different to you. You wanted to believe that it was nothing to worry about, but your gut was just screaming and yelling something completely different.

You wanted-- no, _needed_ to see what was going on with Sebastian. Something just... felt wrong to you. And it was just _itching_ inside you. 

You were just about to quickly say your goodbyes to Pierre when Abigail, Pierre's daughter, suddenly shoved your shoulder. **"Ah-"** You grunted. That was an aggressive push coming from Abigail. You didn't quite expect it, so you were slightly fazed and caught off-guard. It took you a moment to realize that that push was almost too violent to be considered as an accident. But nevertheless, you still decided to apologize.

 **"I'm sorry, I didn't-"** You were about to say sorry, when you suddenly cut yourself off when you saw her almost-spiteful glare looking right _at_ you. **"I can't even** _ **believe**_ **you."** Abigail spat, her face plastered with nothing but anger. **"How** _ **could**_ **you? And here I thought you were..."** She groaned. **"I'm not wasting my time here. I'll see you at noon, dad."** She huffed, storming out of Pierre's store with another slam. After that, silence was so loud in the room. It was almost too uncomfortable to listen to.

Now, you were even _more_ confused. What was that even about? What exactly did you do? What did you do wrong that could have possibly angered Abigail or maybe even Sebastian too?

Behind you, Pierre was stumbling with his words. He was even more bewildered than you were. **"What...? Even my daughter too!? That Sebastian... he's giving my daughter too much of a bad influence. I'm-... I'm going to have a talk with Robin later. This is- She was- She-?"** He was stuttering, mumbling out of nowhere. At around this time, you were definitely hot and bothered already by the state of the situation. It was wild! It almost felt like you just arrived in the town again.

Saying your goodbyes without Pierre even noticing, you left the store, desperate to find answers as to why everything bad was happening like this. 

Agitated, you hid your bouquet of flowers in your backpack and checked your wristwatch. It was almost 8. Time always passed by so quickly in Pelican Town but you never questioned why.

Heading up to the mountains where Sebastian lived in, you didn't really expect Robin to be outside her house so early. She looked restless. She was pacing back and forth in front of her house, maybe even checking her phone every so often. Her face was full of concern, which made _you_ concerned. You greeted her, and when she saw you, she sighed in relief and approached you frantically.

 **"Thank goodness! (Name)! You're finally here! Sebby isn't with you!? Oh, nono..."** She exclaimed. You tilt your head to the side, confused. Why would Robin be looking for you so early in the morning? And why would she even assume that you were with Sebastian this early, too?

Robin gulped before speaking as you try to calm her down. You ushered her to a nearby bench by her home, but she shook her head and turned down the offer. **"(Name),** _ **(Name).**_ **Sebastian, he- He suddenly stormed off our house earlier this morning and I haven't seen him since! He ran off and he didn't even tell me where he was going! Do you...? Do you know where he is? I noticed that you two seem to always be together and I thought maybe he was with you and-"** She was all red, and sweaty. Her tone sounded so nervous as she explained . You wanted to calm her down, but Robin didn't seem to want any comfort right now. She looked like she needed answers more than anything.

You thought for a moment while you held Robin's arms tightly. **"Really? He never even gets up this early... Uhm, did you try and text him? Maybe even call?"** You suggested. Robin shook her head again. **"No! I-... Yes! I've tried t-to call him but I saw that he left his phone in his room... I'm just worried because he... he left with a bouquet in his hand, and... It was the first time I saw him carrying one of those, and to think he disappeared and left with that... I don't know where he could possibly be!"** She explained. You blinked. Sebastian left with a _bouquet?_ Now that was something strange. What a strange coincidence, though.

Shaking away the thought, you held Robin's arms tightly as you tried to console her. **"I-I'm sure he's still in Pelican Town, Robin! His bike is still in your garage right?"** You reassured her, calming her down slowly but surely. She nodded, her breathing starting to slow down. **"He's still here, then! There's no way Seb would go anywhere else without his bike. We both know that about him."** You said, trying to sound optimistic. You didn't exactly know what to do in this situation. But you still wanted to try your best.

 **"I'll try and find him, then! So you could calm down a bit. You know me, I always get tasks done!"** You grinned shakily. Robin snickered softly. **"Yeah, you always do get them done."** She said with a sigh. You patted her shoulder, smiling. **"You don't have anything to worry about, Robin. I promise."** Robin nodded again, then smiled. After she calmed down, she went back to her home, looking back at you with a reluctant look. **"You can find him, right?"** She reconfirmed. You nodded, holding up a thumbs-up to her as you smiled. **"Okay."** She said, disappearing into her door. 

Turning around, you tried to brainstorm where Seb's whereabouts could have possibly been. The Saloon was still closed, so definitely not there. Maybe he was at the pier again? You had to check. However, on the way to the beach, you couldn't seem to get your mind off the fact that out of everyone in the town, you most definitely didn't expect _Sebastian_ of _all people,_ to be leaving his home with a bouquet in his hand. Who was he going to give the bouquet to? Was it someone from his friend group? Or maybe someone who was out of his friend group and someone completely unexpected. Like-- Penny, or something... 

You told yourself you didn't want to dwell on it, and instead focus on the task at hand. Why were you even curious as to who or _why_ Sebastian had a bouquet of flowers when he suddenly disappeared? That was... _clearly_ none of your business... Wasn't it? 

When you arrived at the pier, you didn't really see anyone there. Apart from Willy doing his normal _fishy_ business. 

...

Sometimes you hate your own wrong-timing humor.

You approached Willy, who was chewing on a toothpick as he was fishing for some good catches. You asked him if he ever saw Sebastian stopping by the dock this morning. He hummed and reeled his pole before answering. **"Huh, Robin's son? Yeah, actually."** Your ears perked up at his answer and asked him immediately if he saw where Sebastian went. **"Woah, there. Calm down, farmer. He was with that purple-haired girl, then they left a few minutes ago. To answer where they went, I don't know much."** He said. **"That boy... he looked pretty upset. He was crying, almost. Do you know what happened to him?"** He said. 

You thought for a moment. Concern building up in your system. What happened to Sebastian? He was crying? Who...

You shook your head and thanked Willy for answering your question and ran off, still in search of Sebastian. This time, you were picking up the pace. Whatever happened to Sebastian, it was something serious. You needed to check up on him, or else you would've been extremely torn down by guilt.

~

You were starting to get more and more frantic and concerned. You spent all your time in the morning trying to find Sebastian, but he was still nowhere to be found. Now that you know that Abigail found him first, you made sure to look out for her too. It looks like they were nowhere to be found. 

As soon as you were about to be even more worried, you ran into Sam, one of the people in Sebastian's friend group. You stumbled upon him, and he seemed surprised by you when you greeted him. **“Sam! Sam, um- Do you know where I can find Seb?”** You asked him.

Sam looked… reluctant as he struggled to respond your question. Why?

 **“Uh- He’s… He’s in the f… I actually… I actually don’t know, (Name), sorry…”** Sam replied, stumbling and mumbling his words. Even _Sam,_ Sebastian’s best friend, didn’t know where he was? This was really bad.

And to think that he suddenly disappeared on his birthday, it was just too weird.

You scratched your head, your heart starting to panic because of the heat of the situation. **“Really? Robin and I have been looking for him for so long now, and we’re both getting worried! Where… Where could he be…?”** You groaned. It was starting to become hopeless. Sebastian was nowhere to be found! He wasn’t at his usual spots, he wasn’t anywhere!

Oh, no no… How unlucky, this just happened when you were _just_ about to…

What were you going to do? If you couldn’t find Sebastian, what were you going to tell Robin? If you couldn’t find him, you wouldn’t be able to tell him what you needed to tell him! You were starting to feel nervous and panicked. You wanted to pace around, you wanted to scream for Sebastian, you wanted to call out to him, you wanted to tell him that you didn’t…

**“(Name).”**

You gasped and looked up to Sam who was holding you from your shoulders. You looked down to your hands. You didn’t even notice how tight you were balling up your fists that there were deep marks on your palms caused by your fingernails. **“What…?”**

Sam sighed and shook you gently. **“You were breathing really fast and you were sweating a _lot._ Are you really _that_ worried of Sebastian?” **He asked. You gulped. **“It’s just that... He’s been gone for the whole morning when he stormed out of Pierre’s store, and he hasn’t…”** You wiped your tears from your eyes. **“I guess that’s a yes, then.”** He sighed.

 **“Maybe he just went off or something just to maybe… think? He always does that, right?”** Sam suggested, scratching the nape of his neck. Was he uncertain? **“M-… Maybe he did, but where could he possibly…”** You paused. You looked behind Sam, and saw…

Sebastian.

He was walking up the mountain to his house.

Sebastian was there. And he looked okay!

**“Excuse me, for a second, Sam…”** You excused yourself, running past Sam and towards Sebastian. You called out to him, tears almost welling up in your eyes, blurring your vision momentarily. **“Sebastian!”** You exclaimed, making him look back at you slowly.

You wheezed and huffed. Running has never been so exhausting until now. You took a minute to catch your breath, and when you looked up to Sebastian’s face, he looked hurt. You were about to speak before you saw the sight of his face.

Sebastian’s usual pale face was slightly rosy, almost pink. His eyes looked moist and red. There were dry marks of tears on his red cheeks. His hair was almost too messy and ruffled than usual. He looked so upset. You were silenced by his appearance.

 **“Sorry, I-… I have to go home and finish up a document. I’ll see you sometime.”** Sebastian said, waving and walking away from you without any other words to say.

You were blown off. And you didn’t even realize. You didn’t even get to give Sebastian your birthday gift for him. He just looked like he needed time to himself, and that made you understand enough. Instead of pushing forward, you just smiled and waved back. **“Happy… birthday?”** You greeted him with a warm smile.

Sebastian only looked back slightly, never responding.

You noticed his expression a little when he turned back. It was only a glimpse, just a small glance of his expression you caught. When he saw you smiling… his face looked pained and hurt. He looked bitter. He looked so sad. Why? Did you do something wrong?

In the end, your questions were never answered. You just watched his back as he walked off. You’ve never seen him so lonely before.

* * *

The next day, you tried to approach him yet again in their home. You knocked on Sebastian's door and tried to come in like you usually do, but he blew you off and said he was busy. 

The day after, you tried to text him if he wanted to come with you to the cinema. He never answered your text and just left you on seen.

You often ran into him in the town square, but he kept walking off to nowhere without even sparing a glance. It's like... whenever he saw you, he immediately needed to leave. You didn't even need to do anything to make him leave. He just automatically left the scene whenever you were there. This stabbed you a little. It was obvious he was avoiding you whenever he gets the chance.

You wished that you knew what you did that made him upset and cause him to avoid you, but no matter what you think about, your mind would just end up blank. You would've been able to figure out what you did wrong, but in the end, you never did, and it frustrated you deeply.

Was it really your fault? What could you do to make it up to him?

What do you do just to make him talk to you again? 

You didn't know, and you never _could_ know without any answers from Sebastian himself. You wanted to ask him, but you couldn't really do that now, couldn't you? 

Days turned to weeks of not talking. You've probably sent him dozens of texts that he never responded to. At this point, your friendship with him was becoming cold and you didn't have anything to do about it. You felt hopeless. Helpless. Was this really the end of your friendship with him? After all the things you two went through? 

...

...No.

No! 

No, of course not! There was no way you would let that happen. You didn't want to accept that your friendship with Sebastian was going to end like that. You didn't even get an explanation, and that doubles the reason why you didn't want to let it go that easily. 

A week from now, The Feast of the Winter Star was taking place in the town. _Everyone,_ even _Sebastian_ was required to be there. It was a feast that every family in the town had to take part in. It was the perfect place to corner him. (You don't mean _that_ type of cornering!) 

This was it. You needed answers? You'll _get_ the answers. There was no way Sebastian was going to get away with this one now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was ALSO a mess like-- im sorry i disappointed you with this dkndknknsd  
> i havent been updating for almost a month now but guESS WHAT IM NOT DEAD IG???  
> so anyways, yEAH! this chapter was switched to the reader's pov for some plans i had for the plot, i wont be switching to seb's pov anytime soon, but we'll see!
> 
> the song in the beginning is called Hold On by Chord Overstreet! <3

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first ever fic please dont mind the grammatical errors aaaa  
> song in the beginning is What If I Told You That I Love You by Ali Gatie


End file.
